Naga's Necessary Intervention
by DeraldSny
Summary: With Lucina suffering from the effects of Felicia's horrible cooking, Lissa makes fervent prayers for Naga to to lend her assistance... and thanks to Kiran, her prayers are answered! Humor-fic set in the Heroes universe.
1. The Divine Dragon Cometh

Another Fire Emblem Heroes story! This one was inspired by the Taste of Spring Tempest Trials, and the release of Naga as a Mythic Hero! Also, this could be considered a semi-sequel to my previous FEH story, but it's not required reading.

And now... ON WITH THE SHOW!

Naga's Necessary Intervention

A Fire Emblem Heroes Fan Fiction

by Derald Snyder

Part 1- The Divine Dragon Cometh

"O Divine Naga, I once again plead for your intervention..."

It was rare to see Princess Lissa of Ylisse actually kneeling and praying, despite being a cleric... Most who knew her usually saw an energetic young blonde who liked to play pranks on her fellow Shepards. But this was a dire situation involving one of her closest relatives...

And no, it was NOT Owain. That had been an overreaction/exaggeration.

"Please Naga, hear my prayer..." Lissa earnestly pleaded. "I ask again that you show your mercy upon my future niece... she's in constant pain everyday, and nothing we do can help..." Her voice cracked, nearly on the verge of crying... "Please hear me, O Divine Naga, I beg of you..."

"Lissa, what are you doing?"

The princess gasped as she quickly stood up, turning to see a man dressed in a light tan cloak which obscured his hair and eyes. "Oh, hi, Kiran... just saying a prayer to Naga for Lucina..."

"She's _still_ sick?!" The summoner inquired incredulously. "What exactly is wrong with her, anyway?"

"Well... you remember when Felicia, Lukas and Genny helped her stop that Tempest a short while back?" Receiving a nod, Lissa continued, "Well, after that was all done and dusted, poor Lucina got roped into trying Felicia's cooking-"

_"Oh dear gods,"_ Kiran's face went pale. "I remember trying a taste of one of her concoctions once... I was sitting on the latrine for_ hours!_ But wait... shouldn't it have worked its way though her system by now?"

"You'd think," the cleric shrugged helplessly. "But she's been having intense stomach pains ever since then... I tried asking the other healers for help, but they could only provide temporary relief, at best! So that's why I'm praying here... this summoning ruin was the most holy place I could think of around here..."

"...Well, I was about to do a summoning session," the hooded man said. "Maybe if I'm lucky, I can call forth someone who can actually help Lucina..."

"Oh yes! Please do! Or at least, try your best!" Lissa pumped her fists in anticipation.

"Alright then," Kiran nodded as he loaded five orbs into the Breidablik. "Here goes nothing..." He pulled the trigger, the five orbs shooting out and rearranging into a circular pattern, changing to different colors: one gray, one blue, two red, and one green.

"The gray ones are healers, right?" The sprightly cleric asked.

"As well as archers and dagger-users," Kiran pointed out. "Well, here goes nothing..." He touched the gray orb which floated to the center of the circle. "By the power of Breidablik, I summon thee, Hero from another world!" It wasn't actually necessary to state such an invocation, but the summoner felt he should at least try to live up to the image of the Great Hero that Anna and the Askr nobles saw him as. The orb shot forward and embedded itself into the hole in the center of the summoning stone slab. Kiran then pulled the trigger on Breidablik again, activating the orb which engulfed the slab in a soft light. "Shoot, it's a weak one..."

"I am Jakob, servant of my liege Corrin-"

**"NO!** For the last time, you are not wanted here!_ Go home!"_ The butler promptly vanished, leaving behind a small pile of Hero Feathers.

"...Well, that sucked," Lissa lamented. "But weren't you kinda harsh on that guy?"

"He's completely useless in battle! At Felicia pulls her weight, horrible cooking skills not withstanding..." Kiran took a deep breath to try and calm himself. "Well, I still have a few orbs... should I bother trying to summon another Hero?"

"Hmm..." Lissa pondered as she looked at the remaining spheres floating before them. "Oooh, I know! How about the blue one? Blue is said to be a divine color, maybe you'll summon Naga herself!"

"I highly doubt it," Kiran snarked as he loaded four more orbs into the Breidablik. "Most likely, I'll end up summoning Est again..." Not that he had anything against the junior Whitewing, he just hadn't found a place for her on any of his combat teams. Touching the blue orb, he repeated the invocation, pulling the trigger again...

This time, the summoning slab was engulfed in a pillar of light which seemed to engulf the area... "Augh, my eyes! I'm blind!" Lissa screamed in mild pain.

"Shoulda warned you about that," the summoner grunted, as he covered his own face. Fortunately, the light soon faded away, revealing...

_"Lissa, my child, I have heard your fervent prayers, and now I come to answer them."_

"Huh?" The cleric blinked several times to regain her sight, beholding a tall green-haired woman floating a few inches off the ground, with a serene look on her face. "N..._no way!_ A-are you...?! Are you really-?!"

_"I am indeed the Divine Dragon Naga,"_ the graceful lady confirmed, _"as the sons of man have named me."_

_"Oh wow!_ Kiran, you did it! You really did it!" Lissa exclaimed as she jumped up and down in utter joy.

"A...ah..." was all Kiran could get out, the Briedablik clattering to the ground as the remaining spheres vanished. "But... how... you..."

_"Do not be afraid, Kiran,"_ Naga said in a soothing voice. _"This is not the first time you have summoned a goddess, correct?"_

"...Oh, yeah, there was that Yune girl," Lissa nodded, "who kinda mentally scarred Owain by accident..." Suddenly remembering who she was standing in the presence of, the blonde swiftly kneeled and bowed her head. "U-uhm, forgive my lack of respect, O Divine Naga..."

_"Rise, my child. There is no need for that,"_ Naga said with a gentle smile. _"Despite what you believe, I am not quite the goddess you perceive me as... I possess not the power of making or unmaking. That being said, I can help cure your relative of her current affliction... That is why I have come here."_

"Really? Thank you so much!" Lissa stood and bowed her head in gratitude. "Okay, Lady Naga, Lucina's this way! Come on!" Taking the Manakete's hand, the cleric began to gently pull her back to the castle, leaving a near-catatonic Kiran behind...

_*In Lucina's quarters...*_

"Ughh... _aggahhhh!"_ the blue haired princess cried in pain as she laid on her bed, clutching her stomach, which felt as if a demon were continuously clawing at the inner walls of her gut... (Oh, how I wish for the sweet release of death... Grima was nothing in comparison to this...!) So focused was she on her suffering, Lucina didn't even hear the sound of her door opening... However, she did see the face of her patron deity looming over her. "N... Naga? Have you come to grant me release...?"

_"You could say that, child,"_ the Manakete replied as she held her hands near the afflicted woman's stomach. _"Foul darkness, begone!"_ A white glow engulfed Lucina, who screamed as her pain briefly grew even more intense... but then it faded away, leaving only a dull soreness in her stomach. _"There. Your healing staff should work on her now, Lissa."_

"Okay then!" the cleric nodded, raising her staff up. _"Rehabilitate!"_ A green rune appeared over her future niece, engulfing the bluenette in a gentle aura which rid her of her remaining pain.

"Nnnggghh..." Lucina slowly rose up to a sitting position, looking upon Naga with wonder and awe. "O Divine Naga, will you be taking me to the afterlife now...? -OUCH!" She yelped as Lissa gave her a hard pinch on the arm.

"If you can feel pain, you're not dead," the blonde deadpanned. "Kiran managed to summon Naga here so she could cure you of Felicia's bad cooking!"

"Oh...? OH!" Lucina gasped as realization dawned. "H-he did that?! Wow, he truly is a Great Hero!"

"Sure is!" Lissa agreed. "Oh, but, uh, no bowing or prostrating before Lady Naga, she kinda frowns on that," she quickly added.

_"Lissa was praying day and night for you,"_ the Divine Dragon elaborated, _"and I simply could not watch you suffer like this any longer..."_

"Really...? W-well, you have my deepest gratitude, Lady Naga," Lucina bowed her head in respect, "and thank you as well, Aunt Lissa."

"No problem! Anything for my future niece!" the cleric grinned. "Okay, now that she's all patched up, we need to attack the source of that really bad stomachache!"

"You mean Felicia?" Lucina frowned at this. "But, I don't think she really meant any harm... she's just delusional, at best..."

_"Then we should dispel her delusion with all due haste,"_ Naga stated. _"Stay here and rest, child. Lissa and I will deal with that woman, before she harms anyone else, inadvertently or otherwise..."_

"Right then! To the kitchens!" Lissa declared, quickly exiting the bedroom, Naga following...

_To be continued..._


	2. Chaos In The Kitchen

And here's the second part! Don't worry, loyal readers, I'm still working on 'Turnabout Of The Night'...

Anyway, ON WITH THE SHOW!

Naga's Necessary Intervention

A Fire Emblem Heroes Fan Fiction

by Derald Snyder

Part 2- Chaos In The Kitchen

As Lissa led Naga to the castle kitchen, something suddenly occurred to her, causing her to stop in the middle of the hallway. "Oh, wait. Lady Naga, you were summoned by a blue orb, which makes you a blue unit, right?"

_"I suppose it would, my child."_

"Well, we might have a small problem... When Felicia's dressed for picnicking, she's classed as a green unit, which means she'd have a weapon-triangle advantage over you! Not that I doubt your divine power or anything..." The cleric shifted uncomfortably. "W-what I'm trying to say is, it might be better trying to catch her off-guard than confronting her face-to-face... Unless that's 'beneath you' or something, Lady Naga..."

_"I will do what I must to end this dire threat to humanity,"_ Naga asserted.

"OK, good, just figured I better let you know," Lissa nodded. "Let's go!" The cleric turned and went off towards the kitchens again, nearly colliding with another woman... "Whoops! Excuse me, Lady Tiki!" She quickly ducked around the greenette and ran off.

_"Pardon us,"_ Naga said politely as she followed Lissa, causing the other Manakete to do a double-take.

"M... Mother?!"

There was a dull *thud!* as Tiki fainted dead away, Naga wincing to herself... She made a quick mental note to apologize later.

_*At the castle kitchens...*_

"A little bit of this, and a little of that..." The substance in the large pot boiled ominously as it changed to a dark purple color. "Alright! I think this'll be my best stew yet!" Felicia the maid proclaimed proudly.

("OK, good, she's in her maid outfit, so we shouldn't have a problem...")

"Huh? Who's there?!" the redhead whipped around, her dagger at the ready... but she saw no one. "Huh... must've been just the wind..." Turning back to her cooking, she put the dagger away and grabbed a wooden spoon to stir her so-called 'stew'...

_"Hold, misguided one!"_

"WAHHH!" Felicia jumped nearly a foot in the air at that, dropping her spoon and falling on her butt in surprise! As she rubbed her rump, she looked up to see Naga standing in the doorway. "D-don't do that! What if I had spilled my stew?!"

_"That might have been a preferable outcome,"_ the Divine Dragon deadpanned. _"Nevertheless, I must ask you to stand away from that boiling pot! It is an abomination that must be destroyed!"_

"Excuse me?!" Felicia gasped as she stood up. "M-my cooking is no abomination! In fact, I think this latest batch is a masterpiece! ...at least for me!"

"I don't think she's listening," Lissa spoke up from behind Naga.

_"...Then I am left with no other recourse,"_ the Manakete lamented, as she was surrounded in an ethereal glow... In a flash of light, the woman was replaced with a large glowing blue dragon! _"You have unfortunately forced my hand!"_

**"KYAAAAAAA!"** Felicia screamed in terror as she flung herself to the ground, covering her head! "pleasedontkillmepleasedontkillmepleasedontkillmeeeee...!"

But instead, the Divine Dragon focused on the bubbling pot on the stove... _"Accursed concoction, BEGONE!"_ Naga proclaimed as she attacked with her divine breath...

A massive explosion rocked the castle with the magnitude of a 3.0 earthquake.

Lissa coughed as she pulled herself out of the rubble that had once been the kitchen. "Gods, Lady Naga, wasn't that a bit overkill?!" *cough cough, gag*

_"...Perhaps,"_ the dragon mused, her head now covered in soot. Reverting to human form, Naga began nonchalantly wiping off her face as best she could. _"I did not anticipate such a violent reaction..."_

"Well, let's just hope no one was hurt... _oh, Gods!_ Felicia!" the cleric suddenly realized, rushing over to a human-sized pile of rubble, kneeling down and frantically digging away, soon exposing a pinkish-red ponytail. Lissa then cleared away a bit more debris behind the ponytail before checking Felicia's pulse... "Oh, thank goodness, she's still alive!" She quickly clambered back to where she had been standing to try and find her staff, soon finding it and pulling it out of the rubble. Raising it high, the blonde invoked, _"Rehabilitate!"_, causing a green glow to envelop the fallen maid.

"Nnnnggh..." The redhead slowly pulled herself up to a sitting position, brushing dust and dirt off her maid outfit. "Wh-what happened...? Oh no, my stew!" She turned behind her and started digging through the debris...

_"It is futile, child,"_ Naga stated matter-of-factly. _"Your horrid cooking is no longer... and this world is better for it."_ Just then, they heard the sounds of several footfalls, a whole legion of Askran soldiers arriving on the scene, led by Anna, Alphonse and Sharena!

"Oh no! The castle kitchen is completely destroyed!" Sharena lamented. "Who could have done this?!"

"I would guess that the Manakete there is responsible," Alphonse pointed at Naga.

"Whoa whoa, wait a minute!" Lissa jumped between them, waving her arms. "Lady Naga didn't mean to level the kitchen! Felicia's bad cooking just kinda, uh, blew up when she tried to destroy it!"

_"Lissa speaks the truth,"_ Naga turned and lightly bowed to the Askr nobles. _"My sincerest apologies for inadvertently leveling part of your castle... If there is any way for me to make amends..."_

"Did you say Felicia was cooking again?" Anna asked incredulously. At this, the gathered soldiers groaned in dismay. "I thought we had banned you from the kitchen for life!"

"B-but! But I thought I could really make it good this time!" Felicia said in a near-panicked voice. "A-and then this dragon woman comes out of nowhere, and...!"

"I don't want to hear it!" The commander cut her off. "Soldiers, arrest this maid and have her thrown in the dungeon! One way or another, she needs to learn her lesson!"

"Noooooo!" Felicia wailed as she was promptly restrained and dragged off. "Why do things always go so wrong for meeee...?!"

"..and thus the world was saved from the horror that is Felicia's food," Lissa half-joked.

"Unfortunately, I have to concur with Lissa on this," Alphonse nodded. "Even if Naga's method of disposal was a bit too much..."

_"You know who I am?"_ The Divine Dragon blinked in mild surprise.

"My brother reads up a lot on the legends of all the different worlds!" Sharena proclaimed happily. "Oh, but where are my manners? I'm Princess Sharena of Askr! Nice to meet you, Lady Naga!" She bowed in respect.

"Anyway, I think we're going to need a more detailed explanation on what led to this," Anna said. "And you both are helping to rebuild this kitchen! Got it?"

"...yes, commander," Lissa sighed in despair.

_"Of course,"_ Naga agreed. _"And once that is done, I wish to visit the dungeon, so I can attempt to convince that poor woman of the error of her ways..."_

"...Good luck with that," Anna snarked. "But if you're determined to try, I won't stop you..."

_*Some time later, in the castle dungeon...*_

Felicia hiccuped and sobbed into Naga's chest, the Manakete gently embracing the maid as she cried her eyes out. "T-to think... that Marth- I mean, Lucina- was in unending p-pain for w-weeks... I-I had n-no idea...*hic* I th-thought that face she made... w-was one of pure j-joy, n-not agony... *sob* W-why d-didn't anyone t-tell me...?!"

_"From what I have heard, you were told several times that your attempts at cooking produced horrid results,"_ Naga said in a gentle, yet chastising voice. _"But so deluded were you, that you did not heed the truth of their words... but at least now you have finally achieved understanding."_

"It's just not fair..." The redhead lamented, "I t-try my best t-to be g-good maid like my t-twin sister Flora... but I mess up all the time! I'm a complete klutz, I can't make tea, and now I learn my cooking makes people so sick that a _goddess_ has to cure them...! Boohoohoooo...! *blubber, sob*"

The Divine Dragon sighed to herself as she gently stroked Felicia's back. _"And yet, Kiran appreciates your skills in combat, as he has yet to dismiss you, unlike your fellow servant, Jakob..."_

"Well at least there's _something_ I'm good at..." Felicia sighed. "...maybe when I get back home, I'll just quit being a servant and enter the military instead..."

_"That would be prudent, child,"_ Naga nodded and smiled. _"Perhaps it may be harsh to hear this, but should not futilely pursue a vocation that you have no talent for. Rather, you should focus on what you do well, and leave food preparation to those who actually know what they're doing... That being said, your clumsy ways appear to be a source of much amusement to others in this Order of Heroes... If it is agreeable with you, perhaps you could pair up with a performer and create a comedy routine to entertain them..."_

Felicia chuckled bitterly at this. "Maybe... I don't think Azura would go for that, but maybe I could try asking Shigure... I certainly can't do any worse than I have already..."

_*And so, a week later...*_

"You called for me, Shigure?" Aversa said as she walked into the mess hall. "Hopefully not for anything naughty..."

"In such a public venue? Of course not," the singer/pegasus knight deadpanned. "Actually, I need your help. Apparently Felicia is trying to cook again, and I wanted your assistance in intercepting her... Oh, here she comes now."

Sure enough, the maid was running toward the duo, holding a pot full of... something that was thick and black in color. "Hey, I think this new batch is really- _whoops!"_ As was typical of Felicia, she tripped over her own feet, causing the substance to splash out of the pot and all over Aversa!

"Oh, disgusting!" the dark-skinned woman grunted in revulsion, trying to wipe the goop off. "Ugh, this stuff is so _sticky...!"_

"Aversa!" Kiran's voice was heard. "I finally got enough Hero Feathers to- _ack!"_ the summoner tripped, causing the pile of feathers in his arms to fly out and stick to Aversa, covering her almost completely!

"Ladies and gentlemen!" Shigure announced to the mess hall, gesturing to the unfortunate dark flier. "I give you... CHICKEN AVERSA!"

Everyone dissolved into laughter upon the ridiculous sight, especially the Heroes from the World of Awakening... Lissa in particular was rolling on the floor, laughing until she cried... even Lucina(!) was giggling a bit.

"Y-you tricked me!" Aversa cried in disbelief as she tried to pull the feathers off, to no avail. "Oh, I'll make you _suffer_ for this, mark my words..."

_"Ah-ah-ah!"_ Kiran chastised. "You know the rules, no in-fighting amongst the Order of Heroes! You want to get revenge, do it in a non-violent manner! Unless... you wish to feel the divine wrath of Naga!" He pointed to where the Divine Dragon was standing a short distance away, a cold, stern look on her face.

_"Violence against anyone here shall be met with swift and painful retribution,"_ Naga asserted. At this, Aversa just growled and stomped off to the baths to try and clean up.

"D-did I do alright?" Felicia asked as she stood up.

"You and Kiran both performed admirably," Shigure nodded with a smile. "Take a bow, everyone!" This the trio did, drawing applause and cheers from the mess hall.

(Thank goodness... It seems I finally did something that makes people happy,) Felicia thought to herself. (I'm so glad I took Lady Naga's suggestion...) Standing up, she looked over at the Manakete, who simply smiled and nodded in satisfaction. The intervention had been successful.

~*Fin*~


End file.
